A Guide To Your Professor’s House

If you’re lucky, your professor might throw your class a party at his house at the end of the semester. This usually happens for higher-level classes, when the professor knows his students well. So, if you happen to be in a class like that and your professor has an end-of-the-semester party for the class, then you should read this brief guide to what the inside of his house might look like and how you should act as you navigate your way through the evening’s festivities.

Foyer

Here’s where your professor will greet you, maybe take your coat, and shake your hand. Immediately thank him for inviting the class over in a tone that expresses your gratitude and amazement at how he’s opened himself up to his students. Say something nice about his house. Make a joke about your dorm room. Whatever you do, be sure to wipe the mud off your shoes. He hasn’t assigned grades just yet.

Kitchen

In the kitchen is where you’ll leave your contribution to the party. Put beverages in the refrigerator or cooler. Put food on the counter or breakfast table. Light beer and buffalo wings will probably be fine; your professor understands what kind of budget you’re working on. Ask if you can help with anything. Most likely your professor will have it all taken care of, but you don’t want to act like you own the place.

Living Room

Take a seat with your fellow students, or mingle if it’s standing room only. Try to make small talk with other department faculty. Ask them about their research. Don’t put your feet on the coffee table. Refrain from isolating yourself by the bookshelf. You’ll have plenty of studying to do later on.

Dining Room

Getting a good seat at the dining table is nearly as important as getting a good seat in the classroom. A seat near your professor might be nice, especially if you did well in the course. If you’ve had a bit too much to drink, consider a seat near the kitchen so you can make an escape to the bathroom if needed. Put down your beverage to reserve your spot at the table while you get your food.

Study

On your way to the bathroom, you might be tempted to take a peek in your professor’s study. After all, here’s where you imagine him grading your papers and preparing lessons. It’s tempting, sure, but aren’t some things best left to the imagination? If you do sneak inside, do not pick up the acoustic guitar in the corner.

Bathroom

Do your business, flush, wash your hands, and get out. Light a match if you need to. Know basic emergency toilet procedures should a backup occur. If all else fails, you can blame it on the person before you. Or you can run away.

Bedroom

This room is off-limits.

Front Yard

Say goodnight. Again thank your professor for being a good host. Thank your professor for a good class. Wish him a good winter break. Wait patiently for someone to drive you back to campus. Email your professor the next day to figure out how to get your coat from him.

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