The 10 Weirdest College Urban Legends
By Jill Gordon
If you’ve ever forked over thousands of dollars (or your parents have) to attend what some find to be a four-year sentence to party i.e. college, then most likely you’ve heard these stories. You know, the one about your roommate’s cousin’s friend. Or maybe it happened to your friend’s uncle’s bartender’s sister. However far removed the story may actually be to you, if you went to college, you’ve probably came in contact with at least one of these legends. Here’s the top 10 in order from most to least believable.
10. Anonymous Test Taker
The teacher tells the students to stop writing at the end of an exam and one continues to write for five more minutes. The student then proudly walks to the front where the teacher refuses to accept the test. The student says, “Do you even know who I am?” and when the teacher replies that he doesn’t know and doesn’t care, the student takes his test and the rest in the pile and throws them in the air, thus mixing up all the tests. It would definitely take some balls to do this one and I’d recommend only trying at the final and probably not in your class of 25 people.
9. Flat Tire Test Question
Two students decide to ditch class in this story so they can go skiing and end up missing an exam when they stay longer on the slopes then planned. The students go to the professor and make up a story about a flat tire to get him to reschedule their tests, which he does. The two students show up at the new time and are placed in different rooms for the test. The first portion of the test seems pretty easy and the students are feeling like they got one over on the professor when they turn to page 2 and see that it is worth 90% of the grade. The only question on the page says, “Which tire?” Oh snap. That prof showed them. Moral of the story, always say, “back left” and make sure all fellow skiers do too.
8. Library Books Cause Building To Sink
You think they would have thought of this but it appears that the story is going around that on some college campuses, the library is sinking because the architects of the building didn’t plan for all of the books being inside. Unless you find yourself at sea in a small boat with a bunch of books, the library most likely isn’t pulling a Venice and sinking into the earth.
7. Roommate Death Provides Perfect Grades
Wait wait! Before you go postal on the top-bunk dweller, remember this is only a legend! But the story that circulates on many a college campus is that if your roommate does in fact kick the bucket, you the survivor of said room would be hooked up with a 4.0. Just a heads up, if they find you with a bloody machete, black streaks under your eyes and Rambo on in the background, however, you probably won’t be rewarded with straight A’s.
6. “Brothel” Laws Prevents Sorority Houses
Apparently, a group of girls living together is outlawed some places because of a so-called “brothel” law, which is an attempt to prevent prostitution. While sorority houses are scarce on some campuses, this legendary law isn’t preventing it. It is pretty obvious though that after figuring out toilet cleaning duties and choosing bedrooms, a group of five or more chicks is next likely to ponder turning their place into a money-making venture.
5. A Bus Can Equal Free Tuition
Screw those student loans and scholarships. Legend has it that the four-wheeled pollution makers circulating campus are the ticket to a free ride. Literally. Supposedly, if a student gets hit then they can say goodbye FASFA and hello to FREE. Now if I were to lie down and stick out my pinky finger under a wheel, does that work or are they wanting full contact, throw me 30 feet in the air and scrape me off the roof type of a commitment because if that’s the case, a measly loan payment doesn’t sound too bad.
4. Halloween Massacre
This legend ranges from campus to campus but the main idea is that a psychic appears on a television show and predicts that a serial killer will hit a certain school on Halloween and kill several students. Some versions even say which show and what the killer is wearing. The story is also more detailed in some places saying that it will take place at a Big Ten school beginning with an “M” or “W” that is near a pond/lake/river, railroad track or cemetery. For this reason, schools like the University of Michigan, Michigan State University, the University of Minnesota and the University of Wisconsin seem to spread this story like wildfire. A possible costume of a bulletproof vest and saying that you are 50 Cent might be a good precaution at these schools.
3. “Aren’t You Glad You Didn’t Turn On The Light?”
Apparently, a female college student has been studying late at the library but returns to the room for some books. She doesn’t turn on the light in the room because she doesn’t want to wake her roommate, and when she returns she finds her roommate dead with a note in blood on the mirror reading, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the light?” I can just picture the girl turning on the light the first time around and catching said killer in the act. Maybe her roommate died because it took so much damn blood to write that message. Try a marker next time buddy.
2. Killing During Holiday Break
If that last story wasn’t gory enough for you, here’s some more. Two female students stay in their dorm during a holiday break and one goes on a date while the other stays in. Later in the night, the sleeping girl awakes to the sound of scratching and gurgling noises in the hallway and locks herself in the closet. Upon opening the door the next morning, she finds her roommate with her throat slit and scratches on the door where she had been trying to get in. Wow, what a mess. And the number 1 College Urban Legend is…..
1. Wild Night of Partying Leads To Organs Harvested
This one is about some guy that went out partying hard one night, blacked out and woke up to find himself in a tub of ice with a note to call 911. He stands up to see to nine-inch incisions from where they removed his kidneys to sell on the black market. My first question would be holy crap, what kind of party did you go to? I don’t think fear of organ harvesting should top the list of reasons not to party but hey if a dude in scrubs with a scalpel keeps buying you drinks, maybe you should be skeptical. So basically, if you find yourself in college in the near future and you want to be on the safe side, opt to live alone, stay in on Halloween, take only large classes, remember “back left,” encourage girls to live together, don’t throw books out the window in the library to save it from sinking and spend all of your time chasing around the campus bus in hopes of living your incredibly lame college years on someone else’s dime.